Manners Madness

Chewing

You know what you shouldn't do when you chew. Open mouths, sneezing, and talking are prohibited.

Here's how to chew your food properly:

1. Put a small piece of whatever in your mouth.
2. Begin chewing with your mouth closed.
3. Breathe through your nose.
4. Chew as quietly as possible.
5. Chew at meals when others are eating, too. Then your chewing won't seem so loud.
6. Don't talk. Only listen to others while chewing.
7. Swallow the chewed food.
8. Talk, if you wish, before placing another piece in your mouth.
9. If something is caught in your teeth from chewing, excuse yourself to go to the restroom to remove. Don't pick at it with your fingers in front of others. You do know how to use dental floss, right? But use it only in the restroom.

Here are some rules about chewing gum:

1. If you have to chew gum, try not to let anyone know you have gum in your mouth. Chew gently.
2. Popping and cracking noises are for the Fourth of July, not gum chewing.
3. Your gum chewing can be offensive to others; Miss Manners (Judith Martin) advises that you only to chew when others are chewing.
4. Blowing bubbles should happen in the presence of others who are blowing bubbles.
5. Never chew gum in school or you may end up on the desk scraping detail. That is definitely an uncool job.
6. Don't swallow your gum.
7. Be very careful about discarding your gum. How would you like someone else's grape bubblegum stuck to your new athletic shoes?

Here is a rule for paper chewers, people that chew on their long hair, nail chewers, etc.:

Good manners means not being offensive to others. These habits are not only unmannerly, they are disgusting

Chewing Activities

You and you friends might have a really hilarious time making up rules for how to chew different foods. It might become a comic strip that you put on a web site.

Try writing a "When to Chew: Where to Chew: How to Chew Guide" for space travelers visiting the earth for the first time. Include illustrations.