Act I; Scene I

Please use your word processor and fill in what the scenery is like where Scene 1 will take place. Hint: Go to this link on the Information Highway to see where the play begins <http://quest.arc.nasa.gov/mars/photos/images/81007_full.jpg>. I'm not going to tell you these things anymore, so use your little gray cells to decide what to do. GC (GC=Great Computer)

Setting for Scene 1: (fill in)

(All the characters are seated or standing together as if on a very, very crowded bus. Great Computer seems to be driving and the tires-how many tires should there be?- are sitting on the floor on the sides of the "bus".)

GC: (in the deepest computer-like voice) I think we're all in Soujourner now. Start the engines or battery. Is that correct? Somebody needs to find out what runs this thing! We'll ride over and explore Barnacle Bill. Ready?

(Add the name of a classmate, friend or family member every time you see Classmate #)

Classmate #1: It's too crowded in this little car. I can't breathe. (Gasps loudly for breath. Gasps again.)

Classmate #2: Of course, you can't. You are on Mars.

Classmate #1: I'm dying this minute. Uughhhh. Gasp. (Falls to the floor ever so gently so as not to get hurt, clutches neck.) Am I dead? (Checks to see if heart is pumping.) No, I don't think so-not yet.

Classmate #3: (rolls eyes to audience to show how ridiculous this is) Of course, you are not dead. (throws arms up wildly without hitting any of the other Soujourner occupants) Get up, you crazy Internet traveler. Do you know where you are? You are (fill this part in). This is a virtual field trip. That means you aren't where you are maybe, I think. (puts a puzzled look on face and shows it slowly to the audience)

Classmate #1: (getting up) I think it's pretty dangerous out here on the Information Highway. I'm getting my breath. (takes big loud breaths)

Classmate #4: This is ride is too bumpy. Let's try to avoid the rocks, driver. Yeow! That was a bad one. Who's driving this thing, anyway?

GC: Isn't this fun? Bump. (Everyone acts as if they are going over huge bumps.) Bump. Bumpidy. Bumpily. Bump. Bump. I'm not driving. Tee hee. Think about that.

Tires: Shissssssshhhhh. Whiiiiiisssssssssh.

Classmate #5: Change a tire. We have a flat. With (put the number of students in your class here) in this one car, I think we have a big problem. It must be a flat. Did you hear that?

Classmate #6: Can you hear on Mars? I'll find out. GC Hint: <http://quest.arc.nasa.gov/mars/ask/atmosphere/noise_on_Mars.txt>

Classmate #7: We can't have a flat tire. The Soujourner can't get a flat tire, can it? It's a rover roving over rocks, that's all. Tough little vehicle. Those were just the sounds of going over the planet's surface. Did we hear them or not?

Classmate #6: (fill in the answer)

Classmate #8: Nobody here is driving this car. It's remote controlled from Earth and Earth is (find out how many) miles from here. It takes (find out how much time) to get a message here to Soujourner. GC Hint: <http://quest.arc.nasa.gov/cgi-bin/mars/mars-wais.pl> Another GC Hint: Search. Search.

Classmate #9: Guess that wouldn't help us if we fell over a really big rock.

Classmate #4: Or a cliff. (looks at the audience very wide-eyed and frightened)

GC: Got to get going. So much to do. Our Soujourner Rover can only go on for (fill in how many days).

Classmate #10: Suppose we get stuck here. We might be here for a year. Now what would a year be on Mars? Hint: <http://quest.arc.nasa.gov/mars/background/mars.html>

Classmate #11: I think it might be 12 Earth years.

Classmate #12: We'll be (put in how old) if we stay here one Mars year if one Mars year equals 12 Earth years. I want to go home. I don't want to be (fill in) old yet. (sobs, cries, sobs-then all cry except Classmate #10.)

Classmate #10: (Standing and shouting over the tears and sobs) Wrong. Wrong. You are all wrong. We'll be (fill in) if we stay here one Mars year. A Mars year is (fill in).

(Everyone sighs with relief except Classmate #11 who looks worried.)

Classmate #11: I think that's still too old, and I'll miss a birthday or will I? Maybe I'll be twice as old?

GC: (excited computer voice, but still deep): First stop. This is Barnacle Bill, kids. All out.

(All get out of the rover, by acting, of course.)

Tires: We are sure happy to get rid of all those students. They must have weighed (fill in what everyone in your play would weigh all together on Mars). Now, if they were on Earth, they would weigh (fill in). (Stretches and yawns loudly)

Classmate #13: This rock looks like (fill in). (GC Hint: Use the hints.)

Classmate #14: I think it is made of (fill in).

GC: Get your collected sample rocks and your notes. We are off to decide if there is water on Mars or if there ever was water on Mars or if there ever will be water on Mars. All in. Looks like water was once here, my giant brain tells me. Come on, kids!

(All pretend to get back in the rover.)

Tires: Ughhhhhhhhhhhhh! Now they have rocks, too.

Classmate #15: Is that a storm in the distance? Can we have a storm?

Classmate #3: I don't know, but I wouldn't like a storm here. Where would we go for shelter? I wonder if there are caves? We need to find out more before Scene 2.

Classmate #16: I'm hungry. Can we eat here? I think there is a restaurant over by Twin Peaks under the two moons. I'll check the image. Is there? It's time for a . . . .

Everyone: (shouting) Cheeseburger.

GC: (To audience only as an aside) We will return for this Great Computer Cheeseburger Play with Scene 2, Act I, next week. You may be wondering what cheeseburgers have to do with this play. We are, too. In the meantime, I don't recommend that restaurant with the two moons called (fill in the moon names). The rock candy isn't too fresh and all that lunar light can be rather hard on my digital complexion.

Tires: See you next time. (The tires collapse and everyone screams.)

The lights go out on the first scene of "The Great Computer Cheeseburger Play"

Return to The Great Computer Cheeseburger Play Intro